Verse 1:
C
Old me (Ugh!) was cruel to my servants
F
New me is just cruel to, like, half
C
Old me would cackle with menace
F
New me, hahaha, less evil laugh
Am G
New me is a different guy
C F
New me is as pleasant as pie
F G C
And if old me knew new me, he'd want new me to die
Verse 2:
C
Old me took revenge on my haters
F
New me has a different bant
C
Old me used to walk out on waiters
F
New me tips at least two percent
Am G
New me is quick with a joke
C F
New me is a lovable bloke
F G C
And if old me knew new me, he'd want new me to croak
Bridge:
(1)
Am G
Look, I get it, why would you give a chance
C F
To little old me? By which I mean, new me
Am G
You'll regret it!, in this circumstance
C F G
That's not a threat! Something a friend would say, like, hey! How's your day?
Verse 3:
C
New me is different because
F
He feels badly for the old him he was
C
New me has changed through and through
F
He would not do the things that the old him would do
Bridge:
(2)
Am G
So let me join ya, haha, and ride in the action
C F
If I were the old me, I'd demand satisfaction
Am G
But I won't, 'cause I know that is wrong
C F
And old me would never say this in song
F G
New me likes old you
C
And he'd like to come along Eh? Eh? Eh? Eh?