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THE OLD MAN WAS COVERED WITH TATOOS AND SCARS, HE GOT SOME IN PRISON AND SOME IN THE BARS.
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THE REST HE GOT WORKIN' ON OLD JUNK CARS IN THE DAY TIME.
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THEY LOOKED LIKE TOMBSTONES IN OUR YARD
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AND I NEVER SEEN HIM WHEN HE WASN'T TIRED AND MEAN.
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HE SOLD USED PARTS TO MAKE ENDS MEET, COVERED WITH GREASE FROM HIS HEAD TO HIS FEET,
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CUSSIN' THE SUN AND THE TEXAS HEAT, AND THE SKEETERS.
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AND THE NEIGHBORS SAY WE LIVE LIKE HICKS,
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BUT THEY BRING THEIR CARS FOR PA TO FIX ANYHOW.
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HE WAS VET'RIN PROUD, TRIED AND TRUE, HE'D FIGHT TILL HIS HEART WAS BLACK AND BLUE,
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DIDN'T KNOW HOW HE'D MAKE IT THROUGH, THE HARD TIMES.
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BOUGHT OUR HOUSE ON THE G.I. BILL,
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BUT IT WASN'T WORTH ALL HE HAD TO KILL TO GET IT.
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HE DRANK PEARL IN A CAN AND JACK DANIELS BLACK, CHEWED TOBACCO FROM A MAIL-POUCH SACK,
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HAD AN OLD DOG THAT WAS TRAINED TO ATTACK, SOMETIMES.
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HE'D GET DRUNK AND MEAN AS A RATTLESNAKE,
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AND THERE WASN'T TOO MUCH THAT HE WOULD TAKE, FROM A STRANGER.
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THERE WAS 13 KIDS AND A BUNCH OF DOGS, HOUSE FULL OF CHICKENS AND A YARD FULL OF HOGS,
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SPENT THE SUMMERTIME CUTTIN' UP LOGS FOR THE WINTER.
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TRYIN' LIKE THE DEVIL TO FIND THE LORD, AND WORKIN' LIKE A NIGGER FOR MY ROOM AND BOARD,
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COAL BURNIN' STOVE, NO NATURAL GAS, AND IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, I'LL KISS YOUR ASS.
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IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, IT'LL HAIRLIP THE POPE,
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IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, IT'S A DAMN GOOD JOKE.
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I'VE SEEN THE GRAND 'OLE OPRY AND I MET JOHNNY CASH,
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AND IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, I'LL KISS YOUR ASS.
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WELL, MOMMA SOLD EGGS AT THE GROCERY STORE, MY OLDEST SISTER WAS A FIRST-RATE WHORE,
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DAD SAYS SHE CAN'T COME HOME ANY MORE, AND HE MEANS IT.
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MA JUST SITS AND KEEPS HER SILENCE
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SISTER SHE LEFT 'CAUSE DAD GOT VIOLENT, AND SHE KNOWS IT.
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MOMMA SHE'S OLD, FAR BEYOND HER TIME, FROM CHOPPIN' TOBACCO
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AND I SEEN HER CRYIN WHEN BLOOD STARTED FLOWIN' FROM HER CALLOUSED HANDS, AND IT HURT ME.
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BUT SHE'D JUST KEEP WORKIN' TRYIN' TO HELP THE OLD MAN,
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FROM THE END OF ONE ROW AND BACK AGAIN,LIKE ALWAYS.
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SHE'D BEEN THROUGH HELL SINCE JUNIOR WENT TO JAIL, AND WHEN THE LIGHTS GO OUT SHE AIN'T NEVER FAILED,
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TO GET DOWN ON HER KNEES AND PRAY, 'CAUSE SHE LOVES HIM.
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SHE TOLD ALL THE NEIGHBORS HE WAS OFF IN THE WAR,
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FIGHTIN' FOR FREEDOM, HE'S GOOD TO THE CORE, AND SHE'S PROUD.
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OUR PLACE WAS A GRAVEYARD FOR AUTOMOBILES, AT THE END OF THE PORCH WERE 4 STACKS OF WHEELS,
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AND TIRES FOR SALE FOR A DOLLAR OR TWO, CASH.
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THERE WERE 50 HOLES IN THAT OLD TIN ROOF.
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ME AND MY FAMILY WAS LIVIN' PROOF,
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OF PEOPLE WHO FORGOT ABOUT POOR WHITE TRASH
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AND IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY I'LL KISS YOUR ASS.
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IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, IT'LL HAIRLIP THE POPE,
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IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, IT'S A DAMN GOOD JOKE.
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I'VE SEEN THE GRAND 'OLE OPRY AND I MET JOHNNY CASH,
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AND IF THAT AIN'T COUNTRY, I'LL KISS YOUR ASS.
Written by David Allan Coe/Fred Spears